Yes, May is almost over I guess. But It doesn’t change the fact that May is the month of Momma! Not only is it Mother’s Day but I also get to celebrate my mom because it’s also her birthday month. I’m so in love with celebrating this time of year because the winter’s cold has finally melted away and the new season of Spring blossoms all around us. (I won’t deny that getting some extra special attention and love from my cutie pies isn’t so bad either!) But lately I’ve been struggling. I suppose by lately I mean the last five years. My struggle is an up and down fluctuation. My struggle is motherhood.
Motherhood brings out the worst and the best parts of me. But it’s the worst sides that I reflect on the most after a long, arduous day of yelling, tempers lost, and impatient huffs. It’s the ugly side of me I hate to admit to. But I find that it is necessary to share my burdens in hopes that I may find others who share the same struggle. In fact, I know I’m not alone because I’ve read several amazing posts lately on this topic and have found so much solace in their words.
Especially this one: http://blog.holyheroes.com/anger-seems-to-be-everywhere-but-it-doesnt-have-to-be/
And this one: http://blessedisshe.net/whatever-isnt-love/
Also, this one: http://www.carrotsformichaelmas.com/2015/05/13/have-you-ever-felt-like-being-a-mother-has-ruined-you/
I’ve made some progress in admitting that I struggle and have prayed everyday for more grace. Only God can work through my tired hands and my selfish grumblings. I say all this assuming you know that my three beautiful children are everything to me. I wouldn’t change my vocation to family life, even if I could. They are my joy, my beauty and my dreams. I would do anything to make them happy. So, please understand my human struggle in no way denies these blessings God has given me. I just want to be better for them. I want to teach them joy and genuine happiness. I want them to see Christ’s light shining within me. Most days, they get the frazzled, less patient version of me.
I want to begin to let go of all that I’m hoping to accomplish (whether that be in a day, or in motherhood altogether) and let Christ guide me. I want Him to be my sole source of strength when I’m tired. I want Him to be the patient tone in my voice and the calm reaction in my gut. I want Him to be the joy and the light within me.
So how do I make this happen? I don’t. He does and He will. With my willing heart He will supply all that grace. Grace with a capitol G! So I’ve decided to pray first and foremost for this vocation of mine to be firmly planted in His goodness and secondly I’ve hung up reminders all around the house to refocus my thinking if I’m having a bad day.
I made this canvas for an amazing family as a Mother’s day gift and I hope each time she looks at it she knows that what the verse says is true. That her family adores her even if she feels less than that day or even if she’s tired….
My reminders say “Be the mom you want them to remember” and “Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up despite the struggles.” You can print these reminders too. Check out Simple As That’s blog here.
My home office cork board is a pretty reminder when I’m struggling with motherhood. Here, I can see the beauty and the blessings. The forgiveness and second chances to “Begin Again” as Saint Teresa of Avila would say.